I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
