we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
