Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
