Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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