so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We are all done wearing pants today
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
