yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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