I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
