Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
