Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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