you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
