Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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