DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
