he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
