I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
