there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
