Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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