Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
