Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
