are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
