I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
