I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
