I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
