Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize