NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
