and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
high people should be assigned attendants
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
