Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
