Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize