Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
how drunk are you?
Several
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
