So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
