I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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