think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
