today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
