we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
