We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
