well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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