K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
