obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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