the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
