Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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