i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
