Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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