so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
