Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
