The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
