How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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