When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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