You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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