all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You have to summon your inner elephant
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
