Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I love having hate sex.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
