On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
