The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
