Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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