I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
