We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This is my gift to your gina
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
