I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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