he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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