He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
