im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
