He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just want to make out with him forever
Randomize
