Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
