I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize