Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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