i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
