At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
