I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
