How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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