Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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