I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
What a dumb baby whore.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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