She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
