i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
