It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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